I lay there for hours, as a small child, waiting, waiting, waiting. Knowing it’s going to happen and it could be any minute. I hug my bear closer but he is no match for my perpetrator. I know when he’s coming – i hear the attic stairs to my bedroom, creak and then the crack of light shines through from the landing light into the corner of my bedroom and i know, i just know that he’s come for his fill. And i, a mere babe, stood no chance whatsoever of protecting myself, and so ‘The Killing’ came to be. And y’know when i go to bed alone each night, i have to sleep with the light on so as to not see the stream of light coming through the crack in the door. And i still have to have my bear for security and comforting reasons.

He came at first, meekly

Then more than thrice weekly

Before he got into my bed

He attacked in the dark

Like a large, hunting shark

‘Cos he wasn’t quite right in the head


My breast-buds he’s licking

His conscience not pricking

When he came and demanded his fill

And I dared not to cry

Though had just reason why

When he came in and went in for the kill


Was I naughty or bad?

‘Cos he was my dad

When he stole my life from me

And still I am paying

The price for not saying

And him taking my liberty


I was young, bone and skin

He’d no morals, just sin

And I was his just for the taking

And when he had fled

Leaving mess in my bed

I lay there and couldn’t stop shaking


And the landing light shone

From the back of beyond

And I knew I was caught in his noose

And mum, she’d be sleeping 

Although she’d be peeping

When, with me, he had no more use


And I was so small

And he’d come for it all

I knew then that I couldn’t fight him

And never a tear

Left my eyes with him there

Till the crack in the door let the light in.

2 thoughts on “THE KILLING

  1. Reading this just breaks my heart to know you went through so much pain. I relate so deeply to everything you wrote. Our stories are so similar. Thank you for your openness in sharing this, not only with me, but with other readers here. You are much stronger and braver than you know! *hugs*

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