I’m feeling so down today and was yesterday too. I apologize if i’ve not responded to any of your posts or emails just lately but I can’t seem to shake this off. This isn’t going to be a spectacular, clever or even interesting post. Just my feelings:
I have two grown-up children, *Tom* and *Clare*. There has been an ongoing issue which has torn us all apart. I had no contact with *Clare* for a year which therefore meant I wasn’t allowed to see my two granddaughters for a year either. I didn’t see them that often before then because of the distance between us, but I still missed them and still do, so much now. I send them birthday and Christmas gifts and cards; I send them emails with funny pictures in them; I’ve sent them sweets or chocolate. But do I ever get a reply or a thank you…no, I don’t…just nothing. I want to see *Clare’s* two children before they grow up into teenagers who, by then won’t be the least bit interested in me.
As for *Tom*, (and his wife), they just cut me out of their lives completely. I saw my baby granddaughter after she was born. She is now one and I’ve not seen her since. I miss that little one so much. I long to see what she looks like now she is no longer a newborn. I want to be able to pick her up and cuddle her.
I live in constant fear of being ‘found out’ that I have talked about my children in this way. That’s why this blog has to be written under a pseudonym. God help me if they find this (and other posts I have written) – that would just be ‘curtains’ for me!
I want to see *Clare’s* two children before they grow up into teenagers who, by then won’t be the least bit interested in me.
I should not be dictated to by my own children but they are holding my grandchildren as ransom! Sometimes, I am scared to let these fingers of mine loose on my laptop at all sometimes in case I offend or upset them, or anybody else for that matter.
I am so upset and sad. I feel so depressed today.
Post Script: I have had to edit this post for reasons I am not able to explain.