I’m feeling so down today and was yesterday too. I apologize if i’ve not responded to any of your posts or emails just lately but I can’t seem to shake this off. This isn’t going to be a spectacular, clever or even interesting post. Just my feelings:

I have two grown-up children, *Tom* and *Clare*. There has been an ongoing issue which has torn us all apart. I had no contact with *Clare* for a year which therefore meant I wasn’t allowed to see my two granddaughters for a year either. I didn’t see them that often before then because of the distance between us, but I still missed them and still do, so much now. I send them birthday and Christmas gifts and cards; I send them emails with funny pictures in them; I’ve sent them sweets or chocolate. But do I ever get a reply or a thank you…no, I don’t…just nothing. I want to see *Clare’s* two children before they grow up into teenagers who, by then won’t be the least bit interested in me.


As for *Tom*, (and his wife), they just cut me out of their lives completely. I saw my baby granddaughter after she was born. She is now one and I’ve not seen her since. I miss that little one so much. I long to see what she looks like now she is no longer a newborn. I want to be able to pick her up and cuddle her.


I live in constant fear of being ‘found out’ that I have talked about my children in this way. That’s why this blog has to be written under a pseudonym. God help me if they find this (and other posts I have written) – that would just be ‘curtains’ for me!

I want to see *Clare’s* two children before they grow up into teenagers who, by then won’t be the least bit interested in me.

I should not be dictated to by my own children but they are holding my grandchildren as ransom! Sometimes, I am scared to let these fingers of mine loose on my laptop at all sometimes in case I offend or upset them, or anybody else for that matter.

I am so upset and sad. I feel so depressed today.



Post Script: I have had to edit this post for reasons I am not able to explain. 


  1. I have a friend who went to court and obtained rights to see her grandchildren. Over time the relationships with the parents got better too. Hope something like that could happen for you too. I also have estranged grown children and it is especially painful on Mothers day, so am sending you a cyber-hug from me. My two are close to each other and so reinforce each other’s negativity. Lord knows I was not a perfect mother, having been clinically depressed during their childhood, but no one was abused or neglected and I so long for a place in their lives and hearts. Good luck.

  2. Thank you for being kind enough to take the time to reply. I have thought about going to court but am worried that it will alienate my children further. I’m sorry you are in a similar position and I am sending many cyber-hugs too. Yes, Mother’s Day is hell! I wasn’t a perfect parent either,coping with my depression and eating disorder. My ex left when my children were 3 and 5 so I brought them up alone but I tried to to the best I could at the time. Thank you far caring. xxx ❤

  3. I understand your pain. I myself have lost my only grand daughter and have no contact with my only biological daughter. Not my fault I did everything I could do but meth is a powerful drug and it destroys families. I pray that you GOD can heal your family fast. I have faith that GOD in Jesus Christ name will restore my family one day too. It has been almost 8 years since I last saw my daughter and my grand daughter turns 8 this summer. I will go see her when she is 18 she was adopted out to a good family as in the state of Washington. Grandparents have no rights. Remember if you cry it makes nothing change. Enjoy your life while you still can and let GOD fix the other stuff. Big hug! Melody

    1. Thank you, Melody, for making me feel less alone with this. I’m sorry you are in the same position and know how painful it is. I too, have faith in God and pray regularly (and will pray for you too), and can only hope that, as you say, the children will want to find out more about their family in time. Hugs, Ellie xxx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s