I’ve had it today (and it’s only lunchtime so far). I feel stressed out to the max at the moment and wish all these people (no, not this community), all these other people would just p*ss off and get out of my face and get out of my space.

So far, I’ve played the role of counsellor to both my Support Worker (who’s in a state about a man!) and has been for months now; and also to my Home Help (who’s in a state about her teenage daughter’s boyfriend!). I could have done with some support from them (they both get paid) today having been up stressed out all night over the visit to my childhood home yesterday which was just a series of triggers I could have well done without, but then my Mum was not too good so I said we’d come down (see previous post).

I then had my therapy session and ended up talking about the other peoples’ problems!!). Not the idea but by then it was uppermost in my mind for some reason. Reason being that I do care about peoples’ feelings; I really do and a lot.



(photo credit: dreamstime)

On top of that, the skip arrived at 7.45am this morning, in preparation for the building work that has to be carried out over the next two to three weeks (due to storm damage), and I can imagine how welcome that racket must have been to my neighbours! They weren’t too intrusive (they didn’t need access to the inside of the house) but then the scaffolders arrived straight after that and obviously and unavoidably made even more noise which went on most of the day.


(photo credit:dreamstime/stock)

I then realized that to gain access to my downstairs loo and kitchen, they would have to push past my new electric wheelchair in the hall (with very little room to spare), potentially damaging it in the process! Another problem! And just to cap it all, to be honest, I just can’t cope with having men trooping through my house all day just to use the loo or the kettle etc. My mistrust of men in my home is not merely based on the fact that I am some sort of bigot (which I’m not), but on the fact that I was raped by a so-called reputable workman in my home quite recently and am still dealing with the trauma in therapy. 

During this afternoon, I had to also ‘welcome’ the man who came to service my disability chair, swiftly followed by the computer technician who was resetting my printer which stubbornly refused to work. Then I had my neighbour knocking at my door, complaining that the scaffolding had been put up using his side wall and potentially damaging his property. Aaaaagrh!!! And now, finally, I am waiting for my evening carer to come to get me ready for bed after which time I shall say to myself, “No offence meant, lads, but you can all p*ss off and leave me to go to bed in peace and alone“, and I pray to God that I manage to get some sleep without too many of my usual nightmares and memories of my past abuse, tonight.

Well, I’m all in; I’ve had enough for one day but joy of joys, it all starts again tomorrow. Yes, I do know they are all here out of necessity but it doesn’t mean to say I have to like it!


  1. Ellie…wow, just….wow.

    I hope tomorrow calms down a bit for you all. Stress stress and more stress eh?

    Sorry your home help and carer weren’t supportive when you needed it. Sending a hug your way! XXX

    1. Thanks so much for understanding. Yes, I really had enough by bedtime! Hopefully my carer and my HH will be a bit less hard work tomorrow. And I’ll have to wait and see what happens when the builders turn up this morning. Hugs for you too xxx

  2. Wow! You really have had quite an intense few days! It’s strange that you know more about your supports’ lives than they know about yours! Could you tell them you need more support? I know making your needs known can be a challenge but that’s what they are there for! Hugs xx hope you get through today okay

  3. Yes, it’s all incredibly stressful but I don’t think that either of my supports are in any fit state to support me!! I know it’s wrong but I don’t have the heart to not listen to their stuff. I’m too much of a softy lol! Today is a nightmare with the building work going on. Thanks for caring. Hugs xxx

  4. I hope things will go better re-all the ruckus and workmen etc.

    Ellie – just because you are compassionate and caring of your health worker’s does not mean that saying “No” to them – perhaps by way of ” I do really understands and sympathize – but I’ve had a really rough day/night etc. and can’t manage to share your feelings today – I hope you understand” *IS NOT* wrong. Learning to take care of yourself and heal and keep on recovering means setting your boundaries and respecting your limits. It’s okay to say “no, not today, I’m not up to this” because you are being respectful – not polite. And believe me – there is a HUGE difference.

    Think about it.

    I hope you have a much better weekend Ellie 🙂

    1. Thanks, Patricia. What you say makes a lot of sense and I do understand what you mean. I know also, I should have boundaries with my health workers – that’s not my strong point (yet) although I’m talking about it in therapy. I will give it some more thought though.

      Hope you have a good weekend too xxx

      1. Thanks — I *do* understand — can be difficult to set boundaries and stick to them — and at least you’re trying; this is what counts. 🙂

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