I’ve had it today (and it’s only lunchtime so far). I feel stressed out to the max at the moment and wish all these people (no, not this community), all these other people would just p*ss off and get out of my face and get out of my space.
So far, I’ve played the role of counsellor to both my Support Worker (who’s in a state about a man!) and has been for months now; and also to my Home Help (who’s in a state about her teenage daughter’s boyfriend!). I could have done with some support from them (they both get paid) today having been up stressed out all night over the visit to my childhood home yesterday which was just a series of triggers I could have well done without, but then my Mum was not too good so I said we’d come down (see previous post).
I then had my therapy session and ended up talking about the other peoples’ problems!!). Not the idea but by then it was uppermost in my mind for some reason. Reason being that I do care about peoples’ feelings; I really do and a lot.
(photo credit: dreamstime)
On top of that, the skip arrived at 7.45am this morning, in preparation for the building work that has to be carried out over the next two to three weeks (due to storm damage), and I can imagine how welcome that racket must have been to my neighbours! They weren’t too intrusive (they didn’t need access to the inside of the house) but then the scaffolders arrived straight after that and obviously and unavoidably made even more noise which went on most of the day.
I then realized that to gain access to my downstairs loo and kitchen, they would have to push past my new electric wheelchair in the hall (with very little room to spare), potentially damaging it in the process! Another problem! And just to cap it all, to be honest, I just can’t cope with having men trooping through my house all day just to use the loo or the kettle etc. My mistrust of men in my home is not merely based on the fact that I am some sort of bigot (which I’m not), but on the fact that I was raped by a so-called reputable workman in my home quite recently and am still dealing with the trauma in therapy.
During this afternoon, I had to also ‘welcome’ the man who came to service my disability chair, swiftly followed by the computer technician who was resetting my printer which stubbornly refused to work. Then I had my neighbour knocking at my door, complaining that the scaffolding had been put up using his side wall and potentially damaging his property. Aaaaagrh!!! And now, finally, I am waiting for my evening carer to come to get me ready for bed after which time I shall say to myself, “No offence meant, lads, but you can all p*ss off and leave me to go to bed in peace and alone“, and I pray to God that I manage to get some sleep without too many of my usual nightmares and memories of my past abuse, tonight.
Well, I’m all in; I’ve had enough for one day but joy of joys, it all starts again tomorrow. Yes, I do know they are all here out of necessity but it doesn’t mean to say I have to like it!