Tomorrow, I should be celebrating but for me it will be a bittersweet day.
My sister who is over from abroad is coming to me in the morning. That will a lovely time, I know, spending the day together, but oh, so hard to let her go at the end of the day, saying goodbye until she comes and visits again in a few years time, watching her taxi drive away into the distance.
More bitter than that is that my estranged children and grandchildren are coming over for the first time for at least a year or more. They live only an hour away from me and I would so love to see both my children and of course, my grandchildren (now growing up fast). They are coming to my house but not to see me but to meet up with my sister before she flies back.
Admittedly, we are all going out for a meal together, locally which is a rarity in itself. My wheelchair won’t fit into either of my children’s cars (so they say), so they are going together while I have to make my own way to the restaurant in my wheelchair (and it’s set to rain tomorrow as well).
However, I’m fully aware that my children don’t particularly want to see me and yet I’ve been pining to see them and meet my grandchildren for years. I will just be a spare part, that’ll all when it comes down to it. My littlest granddaughter is now one and a half years old and i’ve not seen her since she was two weeks old! My children don’t ever come down to visit me at any other time so I barely know my own grandchildren.
However, on the plus side, at least I get to see them all. I don’t know what the family problem is. My children won’t discuss it. I strongly suspect that they can’t/don’t want to face up to my mental health problems and my physical disability. They are ashamed of me…..but I will wait for them, I will always be there for them and I’ll always love them.