Why? What is it? Why do you dislike me so much? If I have done something to upset you, please let’s talk about it like adults. I wish I knew what the problem was…..what is it? Please tell me. I still love you with all my heart and miss you, *Claire* and I miss my precious young but growing up fast granddaughters, so much. Why won’t you talk to me anymore? We used to get on really well (I thought) up till a few years ago. I used to come and see you when you were first expecting *J*, 9 years ago and then when she was born, I’d travel down (with assistance) to see you both, bringing lunch for us all and always a surprise gift of some sort even if it were just a pair of little pink, baby socks.

A couple of years later, you had *B* and I continued to be there for you and support you. I know I was and am limited with what I can for the girls because of my disability but that wouldn’t stop me chatting or reading to them etc. It wouldn’t stop me from making a fuss of their hamsters and the kittens. It hurts so much to be away from J and B for so many years – I don’t even know what they look like anymore as you don’t allow me to see photos either.

willow tree 3 generations

Why, Claire….why do you choose to hurt me this way? You know how much I love you all, don’t you. I still send birthday and Christmas gifts and cards but I don’t even know if the girls receive them. Do they know how much I love them, as I do my little *S with *Tom? I don’t expect they even remember what I look like. All three of the girls have loads of contact with their other Nannies so why do you both choose to reject me? Please tell me?

I am hurting so badly. Do you realize the pain you are causing by your actions? I always loved you….when you were young and I was a single parent, after your dad left, I’d do things like make a picnic and we’d walk down to the local park to eat it and then buy ice-cream. You always chose a ‘Fab’….do you remember; because you liked the hundreds-and-thousand sprinkled over the top? *Tom would always have one of those long ice-pole ‘things’!  I miss all that. I so want to be able to do those little things for my granddaughters. I am hurting, Claire but my arms will alway be open and waiting for you to return even if I have to wait till I’m old and grey. Please come back xxx ❤


    1. Thanks, Carol anne. I keep trying to ‘get over it’ and ‘move on’. I’ve done the move on bit, i.e. college etc but cannot forget them or pretend that they don’t exist. Thank, as always, for understanding xxx ❤

  1. I wish I didn’t know how you feel. For so many years, no contact. For me I finally realized that because I was clinically depressed when they were younger, as many good times as I thought we had together, there was a part of being a mom I must not have been able to do because so much of me was fighting the depression. I thought I hid it, but evidently not. I hope your Claire comes around, for all of your sakes. Big cyber hugs to you.

    1. I’m so sorry that you are in the same place and I know how much you must miss your family too and be hurting. You have a very good point though in what you say about the depression when they were growing up; one I maybe haven’t faced before. I had anorexia and depression for part of their childhood so I’m sure must have been very preoccupied at this time in their lives. Perhaps, as you say, the rosy times I remember weren’t so rosy after all. Perhaps I am being a little unrealistic in my expectations of my children, given that I was far from the ‘perfect mum’. Thanks for putting a new slant on a subject I (and no doubt you) struggle with every day. Hugs to you, Ellie xxx

    1. Thank you so much G. It’s so lovely to hear from you again. Hoping you are well and everything is going ok. Thank you for your prayers – I so appreciate them and yes, I think you are right. My daughter blames me for not being aware or protecting her from her trauma. I often wonder why my mother wasn’t aware of my father’s abuse too – you have a good point. Hugs, Ellie xxx ❤

  2. In reality, we often seek to blame people who aren’t to blame. We even blame God for ordaining painful things. Blame isn’t a correct response, but it exists nonetheless. Pray for your daughter’s heart. Pray for her salvation. ❤

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