LETTING GO

Letting go of someone you love isn’t easy….It’s heart-wrenching, it’s agony, true heartache. Taking the decision to let go and taking the action is even harder. What do you do when you’ve tried everything in your power to hold on to the hope that that love will somehow be reciprocated but it never is? Letting go is the hardest thing….Let Go Let God.

BD6743-002

I’ve thought long and hard about this. I’ve cried bucketsful of tears. I’ve hoped, I’ve wished, I’ve prayed. Oh, how I’ve prayed; all through the day to the point where I just cannot think anymore; all through the night until the sun rises and another day dawns. [“Heavenly Father, I hand this situation over to You, for You are stronger than I. My God, You know what has happened. You know what has gone before. Be merciful, I pray, oh Lord. I ask Your forgiveness for both myself and my children. In Jesus’ name, Amen”].

You may think me heartless; callous even, but there is only so much pain and rejection and hurt I can take. I am immersed in a sea of emotions which surround me; the murky waters reaching up to my chin, waves threatening to engulf me. My children cause me so much pain and suffering. If I don’t let go, I will surely drown. If I drown, I am of little use to any other person on this planet. My son and my daughter refuse to have anything to do with me. I’ve recently been ill and in hospital and now I’ve been home for a week, and neither of them have phoned, text’d, emailed, sent a card. Not a word. I love them. I will always love them, from the very bottom of my heart. I will miss them. A part of me has died for each grandchild I have lost in this manner. I’ve no idea how my little ones are – I’ve no way of finding out and it’s killing me and dragging me back down the hole I have fought for so many years to get out of. Both my psychiatrist and my GP say I need to let go to maintain my mental health. Easy to say the words, I thought; difficult, oh, so hard to take the action needed. My door will remain open forever, my loves, should you choose to come back; my love will be there always….it will never fade or lessen.

So, I have to say, my darlings, my precious ones, I will set you free. This is what you have requested (no contact). I don’t pretend to know why, nor to understand. I’ve prayed for your peace of mind, for your salvation. But all to no avail. I cannot hold you back any longer. I set you free although it shatters my heart into a million pieces to do so…..

Banksy balloon

 Sorry seems to be the hardest word…….

6 thoughts on “LETTING GO

  1. Ellie – as difficult and traumatic this is – it *is* the right thing – for you. And in order to move forwards – you have to stop looking and spiraling back.

    And *know* this —- letting go doesn’t mean rejection – at least not on your part. Eventually, with time, I think you will come to understand that as the healing begins, as your strength builds – you will know that with the letting go – their is release – and acceptance.

    And you *will* find peace.

    It’s a process and it takes time – so be gentle with yourself – and forgive yourself when you slip and turn all of this back in on yourself. It is *not your fault.* Stop blaming yourself for the reactions, decisions and choices of others.

    You, like so many of us – have a desperate need to be loved and treasured and supported by our families – and sadly, for whatever reasons, it just doesn’t happen. What you need to consider is this Ellie – you can choose to search out people, friends, and honestly accepting people, who will see the “light and beauty” that *is* you – as you are, as you will become – and they will become “family” to you.

    Hugs, prayers and safe passage on your journey Ellie ❤

    1. Thank you for your heartfelt, thoughtful response, Pat. What you have said means a lot to me and makes so much sense although as always, easier said than done, BUT I am trying although I find it difficult to accept that I am of much worth really. Therefore, bless you, Pat…..your words encourage me. {{{Hugs}}}, Ellie xxxxxx ❤

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s