Well, I know it’s been a while since I’ve been here but it feels good to be back although whether or not I can write anything of interest remains to be seen. I’ve been more than a bit bogged down with the usual family issues resulting in my FB account being hacked by a member of my family (although I do not have any concrete proof of that….yet!). As a result I’ve had to entirely delete my existing FB account, thereby (for anyone who knows ‘FB speak’), wiping out all of my ‘Friends’, ‘Likes’, ‘Timeline’ etc. Hence my name has disappeared from the screens of FB forever.
So, I had to come up with a pseudonym to start a new account which has been fraught with difficulties. I am now a stranger amongst previous friends who longer recognize me in my new guise as J…C…S… as they’ve known me as J…M…. for many years. And yet, here in Blogland I am known as Ellie Sofia. If all this sounds confusing, it is. And on top of which I have my separate identities within my identities…..my ‘people’ in my head (my dissociative disorder). So, who the hell am? !
Just to complicate matters, I am also the me who goes to college, the me who goes to church, the me that my carers know, the me that looks after my mum from afar to the best of my disability, the me that is a mum and a nanny, not that you’d know it due to the long-term lack of contact with my son and daughter. All are ‘me’ to the naked eye, the one person, the whole being, but scratch below the surface and you’ll find a multitude of me’s inside who all have very different personalities, hence my diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and Dissociative Disorder to name but a few!
And if I don’t know ‘me’, why the hell should I expect anyone else to know or see or hear the real me (whoever that is)? I think, probably, here in WordPress, I can be more my true self because it is safe, I am hidden from the outside world (apart from the general public, that is) but here we are all strangers to each other and yet ‘friends’ at the same time. I think I have more supportive friends in blogland than I do in real life and feel I have built up a rapport with you all and that I ‘know’ you although the majority of us are hiding behind masks anyway. But, nevertheless, I thank you all from the bottom of my hearts! x