Well, things aren’t so bad right now. That’s the trouble with having Borderline Personality Disorder – everything is either black or white. I cannot see the in between, more rational areas at all sometimes. Often, I have a day where everything blows completely out of proportion, as in my recent post ‘The End of My Rope’. I realize my different identities are part of my Dissociative Disorder and part of my own making i.e. my FB name and my publishing name.
Anyhow, I am feeling more myself, far from perfect but then who is truly? I had an invite to my College Christmas party. I don’t do parties…..usually, that is, and haven’t been to one for about seven years! But this time, I gave myself a good talking to about how I would know everyone there anyway and it wasn’t going to be a super-dressy party either. So, for the first time in seven years, I asked my Carer to come in early to get me ready and I dressed in skinny, black (but thermal) leggings (yes, you can do thermal and fashionable!), a pair of black fur-edged ankle boots, a bit of bling, and a white and silver glittery jumper, all of which I bought cheap from Primark but even if I do say so myself, I did look decent!
For a moment, I nearly chickened out but I spoke sternly to myself and off I went, So, after all that, Cinderella did go to the ball! And what’s more, I thoroughly enjoyed it. The nibbles were good and the drinks were soft which suited me fine as I am now teetotal (having previously been an alcoholic). I met up with old friends, chatted; won some perfume in the raffle; joined in the Christmas carols and all in all had a brilliant time.
So, now I know that I’m not going to turn green and grow a tail or any such thing, when I go to a party, I’ve decided to go to another one on Wednesday (with ladies that lunch) which I had previously turned down because of the fear and trepidation. I can’t say that I’m not a tad anxious about it as that would be a lie, but I am determined that Cinderella will go to the ball again! xxx :))
Watch this space………