(Image sourced at Bing Images)
This poem is one that I wrote many years ago before I started writing this blog. Forgive me if it comes across as a little immature. That is because I was young when I first wrote it but somehow, today it seems particularly relevant to how I’m feeling. So much has gone in my life recently, it’s becoming difficult to keep track of it all. It is partly for this reason that I am thankful for my blog. I can write honestly and openly at last. For a child who was (and has been since), so severely abused, I was silenced for too many years, and it was during those years that most of the damage was done.
The majority of the time, I can say I’ve ‘moved on’ but every once in a while something comes along to drag me back into that dark and lonely place again where I feel as if you were to take my arm, however gently, I would fracture into a million pieces.
I was born three weeks early, weighing just under 5lb (considered quite premature back then bearing in mind that I now have four very young grandchildren). When I was born, I somehow knew that I was not meant to be here – that I was too fragile for this world. I knew that before I knew about things such as war, famine, abuse, murder, theft and more … I still know it now – one day I shall not be here … and that too will be ok …
I wish I could tell you I was different then
That I was happy, content, just a child
But even in those early growing years
I knew something was brittle
I wish I could tell you it’s because of divorce
Or a car crash, a scene, a fight in between
But even when day dawns, light filters through
There was too much of my mind
I wish I could tell you it was society
Put it down to one event, let it be
But there is reason behind me
I am just this way; I was made brittle
I was brittle before I reached the age of one
Before my first dark, grim nightmares
Before the first small guilty bruises of my youth
I was already brittle in my mother’s belly
I tried to soothe my mind with a music box fairy
Broken promises, dusty, stained wishes
But I am brittle
So take my hand, gently, as I am liable to fracture.
© Brittle – copyright Ellie Sofia Thompson 2015
I have added this postscript the morning after writing the above post. I just want to add that despite my challenges in life, which we all have to face, I have no intention of giving up but shall continue to live as the strong person I know and have been told I am inside. Although I may be brittle at times, I will not give up.