[I’ve been trying to write this post for the last ten days and struggling with the very powerful emotions attached to it. It’s an alternative view and a different way of thinking about the post I wrote exactly two weeks ago, entitled ‘A Stronger Woman (I Will Rise)‘. This alternative view, which has been brought to mind by a very close friend is about forgiveness and moving on].
The following image came to my attention …
I was also touched by the following brief quote:
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
My anger, hatred and bitterness, although directed at this woman, this therapist who was so abusive, *JG, is not affecting her as the perpetrator in any way – she is completely oblivious to how I feel. By holding onto these feelings and fueling the fire within me, I am indeed the individual who gets burned, and badly so.
I’ve written several posts about *JG in my blogging days, and now I ask myself, “Am I going down the wrong path? Should I be changing tack?”. Perhaps, forgiveness is the key to my door to freedom. Perhaps, I am tying rocks to my feet by remembering, raging and allowing this fury to burn a crater inside of me, and perhaps, they are too heavy for my wings to carry, as the above image illustrates.
The other tack, being forgiveness, is not done for the person who caused the harm but for the person who has been wronged and who is the one suffering. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It’s also done in faith, and The Lord’s Prayer quotes in the bible:
Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.
Perhaps, I need to talk to one of the Ministers at my church for advice on this subject although I think I already know the answer.
I have thought that maybe it would be a good idea to start afresh with a new counsellor, bearing in mind that my current therapist works for the same organization as *JG did. This fact means that I am going back to the same building over and over again, as I have been for nearly twelve years now (which only serves as a continual reminder of what happened there).
I am aware that this post is written from an entirely different angle to the post mentioned above but this new train of thought doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate all your relative and kind comments. They are still relevant and appreciated as I don’t know how long this new train of thought will stay current in my head? (Those of you who have known me for years will know that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which means I can be very impulsive. This ‘condition’ also means that I am super-sensitive, caring of others but very critical of myself). However, I am not ‘mad’ or incapable of rational thought as some people assume (and I make clear that I am not referring to any of my blogging friends, potential ‘likers’ or ‘commenters’, all of whom I treasure).
Finally, I leave you (and myself) with this image: