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Setting the scene:

We’d waited a long time, many months at least, for this final court hearing to decide on the custody and access of my two beautiful but now damaged grandchildren, *Lily, now four years old and *Josh, now two years old. They’ve been living with their mum, *Kate, (my son, *Tom’s ex-wife) and her interfering aunt, *PL and uncle, *A. Added to this poisonous mix is now Kate’s totally unreasonable mother and father, *C and *M who have been intent on tearing my grandchildren from my son who loves them so deeply and tells them this frequently when they are in his care in an attempt to contrast to the toxic negativity they are constantly being fed about their Tom by Kate and all her family.

The last court hearing settled on every second weekend with one-day in-between plus a small share of the school/nursery holidays. We’d applied for further access between that time and now but this had been flatly refused with no good reason by the court.


The judge was the same biased judge as we’d had at all the previous hearings (which was more than unfortunate). Present were – my son, his ex-wife, her aunt and uncle, her mother and father because they were all involved in the day-to-day care of the children and various representatives from Social Services, the local police, nursery teachers etc and the individual personal witnesses. I wasn’t allowed to be present and neither were any of my family because we weren’t in charge of Lily and Josh’s care.

Over the course of the two days, all parties were cross-examined by each other and the two solicitors appointed, by Tom and by Kate. Lots of evidence and statements were heard – many truths from our side and many lies from theirs. [Tom and I had spent many days and sometimes all through the nights, writing, checking and double-checking all our documents and reading and checking all our witness statements and plenty more besides]. The judge, unfortunately, didn’t seem able to differentiate between the truth and the lies which didn’t help our case one bit. The judge then left the court to deliberate.


Finally, all were ushered back into the courtroom for the verdict to be delivered. We’d hoped and prayed for almost two years now that the judge’s decision would finally be a fair one. As the words left the judge’s lips, our hearts despaired. The verdict, finally was for Tom to have Lily and Josh every other weekend as before but now with just a ten-minute phone call to the children once a week in between. It’s highly unlikely that these calls will be private – I’m sure Kate will be listening in to the children’s replies and brief conversations and no doubt Lily and Josh would be then questioned as to ‘what daddy said’.

The school holidays – Tom was granted an extra week in the summer with one weekend around Easter and one weekend at Christmas. I guess you could say we won – gaining an extra eleven days a year but if felt like a hollow victory when we had applied for shared custody. That was it! No appeals, no re-trials, no nothing! That’s it – final – until the children are old enough to request changes themselves (approximately aged 13-15). That’s an awfully long way off and an awfully long time for them to be suitably indoctrinated against Tom and our family. Having phoned me from the court that last evening, Tom was torn and beaten. I stayed as strong as I could on the phone with him, we hung up and I wept and sobbed hopelessly, wasted tears, from that moment until I finally slept that night.


I awoke to the same horror that I’d fallen asleep to. The realisation had set in. All there is left now is hope and love – hope that Lily and Josh will come out of this reasonably unscathed but I know this is unlikely: and love; as much love and positivity that we can possibly pour into the children in the short spells that Tom has access to them. So, that’s it – FINI – FINITO – FERTIG – समाप्त हो गया – FINISHED!  😥

7 thoughts on “(DIS)ORDER IN THE COURT!

  1. Heavens, what is there to add? As a father who brought up his children when his ex-wife gave them up, I cannot imagine what it is like to have to battle just to get to see them. I hope it works out alright in the end – children can be remarkably resilient, and they will at least get to regularly be with their father and family and understand the love they have for them. I wish you and them all the best.

    1. Thanks, Mick, for your understanding – you must have had some tough times too in a different sort of way – bringing up children alone is not easy – I did that too with my children.

  2. oh ellie this breaks my heart. it is so sad. i am so sorry for your pain and loss and heartbreak. know that i am thinking of you and tom. his heart must be broken. xoxo

    1. Thank you, Carol anne. I appreciate your kind words. Tom is shattered as you said and I’m really upset (and angry) too. We’re so worried about how it will affect the children in the long term (and the short term). Thanks for caring xxx

  3. As you say, the decision was a kind of victory in a way, but I can understand why it doesn’t feel like it. A few extra days a year doesn’t sound very fair at all.

    1. Thanks, Bun. You are right – a few extra days is hardly worth having although of course, every minute with the children counts. It’s seems very wrong to me though and both I and Tom are very upset and fairly shattered.

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