AN INQUIRING MIND

Psychology Forensic The Justice System

I’ve discovered a new passion, proving that you’re never too ‘old’ or middle-aged in my case, to find new loves (not of the romantic variety either, at least, not in my case). Since being in college, I’ve developed a real interest in learning about new subjects. Nothing unusual about that,  but I was denied this opportunity when I was back in High School having been told by my teachers that I ‘wasn’t clever enough’. My current term with my present college ends late this summer, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it.

I recently applied to do a new course, at the same college, in Psychology, Forensics and The Justice System, and I found out today that I’ve been accepted. I am so thrilled! It’s only part-time and at an elementary level, but it will give me the experience to decide whether I want to follow this up with a more advanced qualification. The course doesn’t start until next January, and I’m itching to get started already. I wonder whether I’ll finally develop a liking for Judge Judy or Judge Rinder, of television fame.

Not content with that, I want to fill the Autumn Term gap with learning about another interest of mine, a short evening course (now the evenings are lighter), in hearing loss and British Sign Language. Although I don’t have any hearing loss, my Mum, when she was alive, struggled with this. British Sign Language has always fascinated me, ever since I was young when I learned the deaf alphabet on my fingers. It would be good to develop that a bit more. I think I’ll enjoy that.

I do realise that I am very fortunate in having the spare time to follow some of my ‘dreams’. Dreams may seem like a big word when describing something as ordinary as education. However, I’ve never really hanckered after travelling the world, marrying a rich man or becoming Prime Minister. My dream, simply, is to fulfil my potential which was denied to me when I was growing up … so, here I am at very lively age of sixty finally achieving those dreams.

 

 

FINDING POSITIVITY :)

Well…..It’s been a while since I wrote my last blog. I’ve been really down lately and recovering from my accident too. Anyway, I’m on the mend and feeling brighter. In fact I feel pretty good as the end of this week has come and quite a lot of that has to do with a guy at my college called *Jonathan* who is one of our brilliant Peer Support team.

I had a really bad session in our ‘Hearing Voices’ group on Wednesday, basically because ‘my people’ in my head (my voices) were all trying to compete with each other and also all the other students’ experiences of voices being described. The chatting got quite intense and a bit loud at times and ‘Chloe’ got scared and we decided to make a run for it. I just had to get out of there so I left in a daze and can’t really remember coming home in my wheelchair. Once I got, I put into practice some of the Mindfulness techniques I had learned in previous courses at college which really helped calmed me down and quietened my mind which was a considerable relief.

I went back to college on Friday and asked to chat with Jonathan. We went to a quiet room and I talked about everything I was feeling, what the session brought up for me and why I panicked. We shared our experiences which was really valuable and I opened up about some of my past ‘taboo’ issues. I really felt like and knew that Jonathan understood my feelings really well. Our chat became really positive….I shared some of my plans for my future which included doing an Open University course/degree in Psychology which I am currently looking into. I also said that when I’ve done and understood all of my courses there, I would like to become a Peer Support myself. I feel I have a good and kind understanding of other peoples’ feelings and experiences and with a bit of guidance and training, I think I would be pretty good at it and am feeling really optimistic at the thought or helping other students with similar problems to me and working/volunteering in a learning environment. We must have chatted for nearly two hours but Jonathan had really helped to ‘dig me out of my hole’ and left me feeling really positive.

man and woman chatting over coffee

After a mug of coffee, I got together with my friend, *Maddy* who was there, and between us we have been designing our college Christmas card which I really enjoyed. It was a Mixed Media project and I think we achieved our goal. The cards will be printed off to give to all our students and other interested organizations at Christmas. I enjoyed working with Maddy and when our task was complete we felt a real sense of satisfaction. I left college that day feeling ‘just great’ and most of all I felt I had contributed something valuable and that in the context of this big wide world, I did matter. I have a place and a purpose. I may not have many of the things in my life that I would like to have but I so appreciate what I do have and am, today, feeling really good, content, and dare I say it, all things given, that I am happy!

smile emoticon

JUST STOPPIN’ BY TO SAY HELLO!

Saturday

Well, it’s been a long time, hasn’t it….I’m sorry I’ve not kept in touch for so long. I am….

a) fighting for a computer to use and and still at war with HP over whether they will repair my beloved laptop.

b)  having to manage to write when I have the rare opportunity on this thumping old dinosaur that weighs a ton! I’ve called it      ‘Triceratops’. I’ve also named my new wheelchair ‘Charlie’ (female)….no idea why that came to mind; I’ve named my              stair-lift ‘Brian’ because it’s so slow (after Brian the snail in the Magic Roundabout).

brian-the-snail

I’ve also been battling with by BPD madness, and my PTSD isn’t great at the moment either. It’s all not being helped by the fact that I have a lot of major changes to deal with at the moment, which have come all at once and I’m really not very good at all when it comes to dealing with change. I’m still in the process of looking to find another church that I will really feel comfortable in so am going to a third new one to visit tomorrow morning. Also, I’m trying to change my Care Company as I am now not happy where I am and they cannot accommodate my needs anymore. This means trying to get it all processed through Social Services who are notoriously slow at doing anything including getting back to me with information I have asked for urgently.

As for my children; well, hard though it may sound and even harder though it may be, I’m slowing giving up any hope that I will see them or my my grandchildren ever again. The six weeks school Summer Holiday has more or less gone by now and so much for the promises to come and see me in that time!! My heart is breaking.

My mobile phone company managed to wipe all my contacts off my phone and then lost the SIM card so I had no way of retrieving any information. I was furious and extremely panicky, having lost all control over my main communication device; (thank you very much, Tesco’s!). Needless to say, I left Tesco’s and joined the ranks of Vodafone who I’m hoping will give me a better quality of service…It can hardly be worse. Now, I just have to remember everyone of those people and friends who were on my mobile list….plus all their phone numbers etc. Anybody got a magic wand laying about that I could borrow for a while?

Sunday

Well, at last good news! I think I’ve found my new spiritual home – a small, family church, tucked away somewhere in the back roads, about half an hour away on my electric wheelchair. I was welcomed so warmly and enjoyed the service so much and found it all very memorable morning. I am so pleased. I feel like a spiritual weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Praise God.

Sp Pk Baptist Church

On the downside, I’ve just had a row with the so-called Manager of my Care Company. I am not difficult to please….all I ask for is an early morning call so that I can be up and ready to go to church, college etc. Is that really too much to ask? I’m flexible the rest of the time. It’s so frustrating – yes, I may be very disabled and yes, I have mental health problems but does that really mean I’m not allowed to live a life as near to normal as I am  able to and am capable of?!

I loved Summer College….learned so much and made some good new friends. Can’t wait for the Autumn Term to start which begins in two weeks time. I’ve always wanted to go back into a learning environment and this is just what I need at this stage in my life.

Well, I’m off to snuggle up under my nice warm duvet as we are having winter temperatures and it’s still August! Where did summer go? I blinked and missed it. Tomorrow, we have a weather warning in place for heavy rain and gales – typical August Bank Holiday in the UK. Glad I don’t have to go out, apart from which ‘Charlie’ nearly ran out of juice just before I got home this morning. It barely crawled up the hill to my house, limped over the door threshold and protested till I parked it in the hallway and put it on charge. Not much chance of going out till Tuesday then!

I really will try and start looking at some of your blogs again, my blogging friends. I know I have got way behind with all your news and stuff but I hope I haven’t offended anyone and have been wondering how you were all getting on in your lives. It’s good to be back!